Getting Fired Can Be a Gift

Sometimes getting fired is a gift.  You are miserable because you and your new CEO have different visions and no matter how hard you try, you can’t see eye-to-eye.  Getting fired gives you time to walk in nature, climb mountains, get on the elliptical every day and do the things you know help restore you to good thinking. It’s also the easiest way to get access to your severance package.

If you’ve been fired, just remember: You’re not alone. As Dr. Howard Kirz once told me, “As a physician executive, it is not a matter of if you will get fired, but only when.  When it happens, you will have gotten yours out of the way.” Larry Tyler, CEO of the executive search firm Tyler and Company, says, “Have a good cry, tell your family, take two weeks off and then start your job hunt.”  He knew one person who kept pretending to go to work every day because he would not admit to his wife what had happened.  While it is more comfortable to be looking for a job when you have one, it is very difficult to have the time to do a methodical, well thought-out search.  Use your newfound time wisely.

Recruiters and hiring organizations know this happens.  You are not damaged goods.  Now, if there are three firings, they are going to think you are the problem.  Try not to take it too personally, although I have never exactly understood that phrase.  If something happens to me, it feels personal.  But try hard to look at it as the best business decision for the organization.  You were miserable with the new regime, even if you didn’t want to admit it.

When I was 24, my husband of two years left me.  I cried and cried and cried.  My mother said, “Someday I think you are going to see this as a gift.”  It was the best one he ever gave me. Without this setback, I never would have had the good 40 years with my second and present husband.  I didn’t have the nerve at 24 to leave on my own. 

It’s a cliché, but it’s true. Don’t view getting fired as a failure on your part. It truly is an opportunity.

How to Talk Back (Without Getting in Trouble)

Many of us were taught to not talk back in school.  That also applied at home for me.   When I was in the first grade, I got popped on the bottom with a slat from an orange crate when I sassed my father.  He ran a grocery store and I wanted two packs of 25 cent Blue Horse paper so my notebook would be thick, like the ones the older children on the bus had.  He said, “No.”  I said, “Well, if I can’t have two, I don’t want any.” Then I sashayed back into the store to put them down.  He was waiting for me when I came back.  He happened to be taking apart an orange crate.

I don’t think many parents paddle their kids anymore.  In fact, I’ve overheard disagreements where both parents and kids yell at one another with a nasty tone.  Neither approach is effective in the adult work place. 

I taught doctors how to deal with disruptive behavior last week during the program to become a Certified Physician Executive.  I always read recent articles on the subject to get ready.  I found one in the PEJ by Joseph Grenny, head of Vital Smarts, the group that wrote and teaches Crucial Conversations.  Not only did he discuss how to confront a physician who was behaving inappropriately, he also said an essential  part of the change process is teaching nurses and others who are lower in the medical hierarchy to speak up.  Grenny gave an example of a response a nurse could give to speak back respectfully.    I shortened his version because I don’t think I would remember all of it in the pressure of being yelled at:

I am not trying  to challenge your expertise.  I know you are a good doctor.  I apologize if you found my approach disrespectful.  I will work hard to address you as you deserve.  And doctor, I must ask the same of you.  When I shared my concerns about the patient, you raised your voice, you rolled your eyes, and you spoke to me harshly.  That doesn’t work for me either.  May I have your word that you will not address me that way again either?  (Adapted from PEJ Nov/Dec, 2009, “Crucial Conversations,” p. 32). 

When angry words are flying, I tend to think of what I wish I’d said an hour, a day, or a week later, but I think this kind of response is worth memorizing and keeping in your repertoire to pull from when things get heated.

It would be a new world in healthcare if everyone had the nerve to call out inappropriate behavior and  to talk back firmly and respectfully when spoken to in an ugly manner.  I know we all fear for our jobs and many carry fears from childhood, but it is worth thinking about how to say what you mean in a calm, confident voice when someone yells at you.  Here’s some food for thought:  If someone has yelled at you before and didn’t get a response, they will probably do it again.  So be prepared for next time:  Write out what you wished you had said, learn it, and say it next time. 

Why You Should Consider Going Back to School

I was pregnant with my first child when we moved to Charlotte, NC, for my husband to begin his pediatric practice with a large multispecialty group.  I had been teaching high school English for four years.

I wasn’t known in this new community, so it wasn’t going to be easy for me to return to teaching after my children were born.  I tried many activities: medical wives auxiliary, symphony women, book club and golf.  Nothing satisfied me until I decided to audit a graduate course in the religious department of the University of North Carolina-Charlotte called The Meaning of Death.  After three months of intense reading and writing papers, I realized: This is what makes me happy.  I love a syllabus in September.

I decided to take a course in the English department and apply for graduate school, just in case I decided to continue.

As ACPE’s career counselor, I talk to doctors who know exactly why they want a business master’s degree, but I also talk to others who are just restless and don’t know exactly what they want to do.  I’ll suggest that they take ACPE’s Physician in Management course and see if they get turned on.  Many do.

I took one class every semester for five years and got a MA in English.  It enriched my life and it opened doors I could not have imagined when I started that first course. 

Maybe taking a course or enrolling in a business masters program would add adventure to your life in unexpected ways.